wickedgirlssavingourselves
for-shits-and-hiddles:

autisticfandomthings:

opalhonors:

alongstrangeride:

gettin-nakie-outside:

equiroz:

A tiger walks into a liquor store…there’s no punchline here.

Is that… a frisbee?

He just wants to play catch

What I love is that it obviously takes the person at the counter a few seconds to process that that is in fact a tiger.
Like, you kinda see their brain going “dog, nope, cat, big cat, big cat with stripes, SHIT, tiger!!!”

And the two people who go dashing out with the distinctive “I have just encountered an unexpected tiger SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT” run.

I like that the second guy leaves the chips or whatever those are. Like, he’s running and falling because TIGER but he will not accidentally shoplift

for-shits-and-hiddles:

autisticfandomthings:

opalhonors:

alongstrangeride:

gettin-nakie-outside:

equiroz:

A tiger walks into a liquor store…there’s no punchline here.

Is that… a frisbee?

He just wants to play catch

What I love is that it obviously takes the person at the counter a few seconds to process that that is in fact a tiger.

Like, you kinda see their brain going “dog, nope, cat, big cat, big cat with stripes, SHIT, tiger!!!”

And the two people who go dashing out with the distinctive “I have just encountered an unexpected tiger SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT” run.

I like that the second guy leaves the chips or whatever those are. Like, he’s running and falling because TIGER but he will not accidentally shoplift

fishingboatproceeds
fishingboatproceeds:

aliewa:

grouchythefish:

ladyofpurple:

I like how the original title for The Fault in Our Stars is all poetic and then the Norwegians just translated it to “fuck destiny” and I think that’s beautiful

Aw man, I thought for sure this had to be bullshit but nope


Why is it always Norway

Norway, a nation where you can put the word “fuck” on the cover of a young adult novel.

fishingboatproceeds:

aliewa:

grouchythefish:

ladyofpurple:

I like how the original title for The Fault in Our Stars is all poetic and then the Norwegians just translated it to “fuck destiny” and I think that’s beautiful

Aw man, I thought for sure this had to be bullshit but nope

image

Why is it always Norway

Norway, a nation where you can put the word “fuck” on the cover of a young adult novel.

smithslosteyebrows
professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.

Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.

Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.

The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.

I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.

The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.

So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.

Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.

Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

image

cannibalistic-bitch

"talk about" rather than "ask me"

  • 1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.
  • 2: Talk about your first kiss.
  • 3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.
  • 4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.
  • 5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.
  • 6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.
  • 7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.
  • 8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.
  • 9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.
  • 10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.
  • 11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.
  • 12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.
  • 13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.
  • 14: Talk about a vacation.
  • 15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.
  • 16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to.
  • 17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.
  • 18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.
  • 19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.
  • 20: Talk about something that happened in high school.
  • 21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.
  • 22: Talk about your worst fear.
  • 23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.
  • 24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.
  • 25: Talk about an ex-best friend.
  • 26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.
  • 27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.
  • 28: Talk about your fetishes.
  • 29: Talk about what turns you on.
  • 30: Talk about what turns you off.
  • 31: Talk about what you think death is like.
  • 32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.
  • 33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.
  • 34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.
  • 35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.
  • 36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.
  • 37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.
  • 38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.
  • 39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.
  • 40: Talk about the end of something in your life.